Hot Chicks & Clicks; Server issues

“I don’t practice santeria, I ain’t got no crystal ball, but if I had a million dollars, I’d spend it allllll.” We don’t know what santeria is, apparently it’s this. Either way, the song rocks, and so does Sublime. Work is really lame when you don’t have a computer that can reach for the internet. I feel for all of those out there that are blocked by firewalls. For some reason my company allows me a great deal of freedom. Perhaps they trust me, perhaps they are just trying to entrap me. Either way, it is to your benefit because to the left is preggo doctor Katherine Heigl. We took the advice of Boob Tube and listened to “Knocked up” as we drifted to lala land. Then magically when we woke up, it was on again. HBO, you and your limited programing is awesomo. If you are in the predicament like us, and can hardly use the internet, you should waste your valuable time on cool links like these…

Think you are tough, think that soccer, football, and American Gladiators are for the weak, hell you even think rugby is for skirt wearing pansies, then check out Royal Shrovetide Football.

More G.I. Joe because he is a real american hero, and because Sienna Miller is in it, and because the Rock is in it, and we think the Rock is Awesomo.

The moon can stop battles. Perhaps the exit strategy for Iraq is to wait for 2012.

Ever since I can remember, mascots are at games. Why? WTF does a giant sausage fest have to do with Eric Gag-me blowing baseball games?

People like this are real?

People like this are real (Part 2)?

Boob Tube; I like turtles

This video is here for no reason other than the fact that we saw this classic for the first time today. Besides, who doesn’t like turtles? Here is a mini poll…Who is the best Ninja Turtles (there is only one right answer, and that answer is Michelangelo)? Below is the crap that you have to get through so that tomorrow will come, and you can watch the “Lost” season finale.

8:00-9:00-Wife Swap (This doesn’t even deserve a link)

9:00-10:00-Farmer wants a wife (even farmers have to deal with stuck up city girls)

8:00-10:15-Knocked up (Because “Forgetting Sarah Marshall” was that good, we can promote this movie)

The Show; Sh*t’s weak!

Now that Awesomo is back in action, we are back with some MLB bizness. Yesterday was full of your pretty standard baseball actions, walk-offs, super rookies, crappy rookies (Ian Kennedy), and a whole lot of dingers. Awesomo is back so you better watch out cause your shiznit is wizeak. More baseball please…

Red Sox 3, Mariners 4; The Sox lost this one on a two out walk off single by Jose Lopez. We can’t tell you what position Jose Lopez plays, but he helped the M’s win for just the 6th time in 26 games. That is bad. Dice K labored through 4 innings, and left with what appeared to be back spasms, but was reported as “shoulder fatigue.” Awesomo doesn’t know what that is, but we guess it exists. Manny hit his 499th.

Dodgers 1, Cubs 3; 3 in the 7th put the Cubs in line for the W, and a first place grip on the NL Central. With perenial powers (Cubbies, Cards, and ‘Stros) fighting it out, and the perenial teams that suck (Reds, Brewers, and Pirates) relying on young talent for the future, the central has returned to order. The Dodgers missed a chance to jump to 2.5 games back of the D-backs.

Yankees 9, O’s 10; The Yankees blew a pair of 4 run leads, and squandered homers from A-rod, Damon, Abreu, and Giambi (he is really doing the whole ’stache thing). The O’s used homers from Millar, Mora, Hernandez, and Luke Scott to overcome the deficits, and then used 3 hits in 11th to take the W. LaTroy Hawkins showed fans the only reason why Joba shouldn’t be a starter (the bullpen sucks).

Rockies 4, Phillies 7; The Phillies used 7 runs to put away the Rockies early. Ubaldo Jimenez, who has been a tough luck pitcher this year, didn’t help himself last night. The Phils are 1.5 back. If they don’t have to worry about the Mets, this should be a pretty early decision on the division because the Braves can’t win on the road.

Braves 2, Brewers 3; They proved this fact again last night, as the Braves scored in the first 2 innings, but the Brewers scored in the last 3. The Braves are 6-17 on the road, which is good for worst in the majors.

White Sox 2, Indians 8; The whole Travis Hafner no longer the DH thing just might work. Hafner was replaced by the .225 hitting Jhonny Peralta, who went 2-4. Just because the best thing Hafner has done, in the last month, is not play, doesn’t mean he can’t be an all-star.

Pirates 6, Reds 9; Everyone is very happy to see Jay “Bruce” Bruce play in the majors. They were even happier he went 3-3. It must be a slow sports day when a call up from the minors is one of the top headlines on ESPN. Adam Dunn hit a dinger, and struck out twice. He has more strikeouts than games he has appeared in 1022 v. 1136.

Rangers 12, Rays 6; Another former Reds minor league prospect, Josh Hamilton, hit a grand slam, his 13th homer. This kid looks to be the real deal, and his middle name is Holt. His parents knew what they were doing, and this kid was born to be a ball player. Good thing he got past all of those drugs and suspensions. Somehow, Vincente Padilla and Sir Sidney Ponson are a combined 10-3 with a 3.66 ERA.

Marlins 3, Mets 5; The Mets won? Wow! Willie for Presidente in 2012. Fernando Tatis, the starting right fielder, went 2-3, which is odd because he is a 3rd baseman, and apparently still alive. Personally, here at Awesomo we don’t condone steroids, and believe Bud should put an * on this record immediately.

Twins 4, KC 3; The Santana-less Twinkies managed to pull to within 2 games of the AL central. A 3 run inside the park homer in the 9th by Mark Teahen, #51 of greatest all-time Royals, tied the ball game. A single from Cuddyer in the 12th put the Twins on top for good.

‘Stros 8, Cards 2; Shawn Chacon got his second decision in 2 chances, both wins. The man who picthed 9 games before factoring in the outcome of the game, pitched 7 strong. Pujols and Pence combinded to go 9-9.

Due to time constraints…

Jays 1, A’s 3; Big Hurt, got hurt, but the A’s still won. Now who will they get to play DH? Oh wait…

Giants 6, D-backs 3; Tim Lincecum is 7-1.

Nationals 2, Padres 4; The Padres won, and hit 2 homers in a row in the process. Yay Padres!!!

Hot Chicks & Clicks; Blog hard with a Vengeance

“If life gives you lemons, I say fuck the lemons and bail.” That is a sweet line from the movie “Forgetting Sarah Marshall.” If you don’t trust our opinion, believe the fine reviewers over at Rotten Tomatoes. Plus, Mila Kunis gets laid in the film, hence the picture. Sorry we have been away for a little, some lemons got thrust our way, but fuck it, we are back. Posts about mlb, college baseball, music, and who knows what else coming your way. For now, link it up…

 For the 1 year anniversary of his blog, Greg Oden <3 China, and yes that is an emoticon.

The “Lost” season finale is two days of work away, here is a Q&A with Desmond to get you through the day, brotha.

If that doesn’t work, get lost here, literally.

What are obscure foreign roleplayers good for? Funny videos of course.

US football streakers look like this, but Italian futbol streakers look like this. That is some sh*t.

Wait, there is a new G.I. Joe movie? And Sienna Miller is in it? Saaawwweeet.

The Show; We give continuous effort

We are back, trying to pull ourselves away from boring team building exercises, we find solice in our blog. Even though we know you don’t because our blog stats tell us that no one reads this thing. Anyway, this is what hapened in the NL.

Reds 5, Marlins 3; Joey Votto did that 3 homer thing last week, and decided to hit another one last night, which helped the Reds beat the Fish. Griffey DNP, but that is probably because he isn’t really that good anymore, it isn’t 1996 anymore.

Phillies 5, Braves 4; Atlanta started early, but Philly was able to rally late. Brad Lidge gave up his first run of the year, but converted his 10th save in 10 chances. Chipper went 3 for 4 and is hitting an unholy .406.

Brew Crew 5, Dodgers 3; Apparently, the new trend in baseball is to relieve people of certain duties, and then immediatly return them to those duties. That can be said for Awesomo favorite, Eric Gag-me, notched a save, albeit shakey. He got the job done. Good for you Eric.

Mets 6, Nationals 3; John Maine gave up 2 hits and 1 earned run over six. The Mets haven’t been able to string together an impressive run, but they also haven’t put together a crappy one either, and currently sit 2 back of the Fish in the NL East.

Padres 4, Cubs 3; The team that owns Jake Peavy, Chris Young, 350 game winner Mad Dog, and Mark Prior, sent Shawn Estes, who many thought retired (us), pitched 5 and a third for the win. Perhaps the Padres can dig up Rafael Palmero for offense.

Pirates 8, Cards 4; This game was tied after 9, but no longer after 10. Ryan Doumit, a member of the Xavier Nady club for people that really aren’t that good, but put up solid numbers, was injured, and his replacement drove in the winning run. Glaus and Pujols hit homers for the Cards. In case you never watch ESPN, Pujols has reached base in all 40 games this season. This is a stat the we don’t find that impressive, especially since Pujols is intentionally walked most games. His hit streak is at 12.

Astros 2, Giants 4; This was a game for the ages, at least for Matt Cain, who remarkably hit his second homer of his career. The hard throwing rightie used his hard throwing arm to take a hardly thrown ball over the hardly used fence. He also pitched pretty well.

Rockies 4, D-backs 8; The Big Unit improved to 3-1, but his manager called the outing “shakey,” but her at Awesomo, we don’t care about any stats but W’s, unless you are on our fantasy team (wake up Eric Byrnes). Johnson’s stellar record is impressive considering that his career died in NY.

The Show; Hate the player, not the game

In case you haven’t noticed, evidenced by Monday’s no show, yesterday’s horrible format, and today’s dry appearance, we are not up to full strength at the show. Nonetheless, we try our best for our reader, and here is the AL…

Orioles 5, Red Sox 4; Josh Beckett dropped to 4-3 after a 4 run 3rd, which included a 3 run knock from Luke Scott. Boston is 5-5 in their last 10, which opened the door for…

Yanks 1, Rays 2; The young guns vault into first after Gabe “is” Gross singled in the game winner in the 11th. Matsui continued his goal of being the only productive Yankee by hitting a game tying solo homer in the 9th for the Yanks only run.

Mariners 5, Rangers; These two teams put their differences aside and managed to play a baseball game. In said baseball game, a sac fly by Ramon Vazquez in the 6th was the difference maker. Since sac flies are boring, we will move onto the next game.

Cleveland 4, A’s 0; Paul Byrd, high on HGH from his dentist, did his best Cliff Lee impression by tossing 7 1/3 scoreless innings. Somehow Byrd struck out 7. With the likes of Jaime Moyer, Mike Mussina, and Paul Byrd, it appears as though we are in the year of the old soft throwing pitcher. Bring back steriods please.

Blue Jays 5, Twins 3; If Matt Stairs does something entertaining, we are obligated to write about it. The unwarranted child of Jose Canseco and Mark McGwire hit a round tripper. Stairs is batting .306 with 5 homers.

Royals 3, Tigers 2; The Tigers jumped out to a couple of early runs, but then decided to shut down the offense. The Tigers are beginning to look like a mold of the Yankees with high priced players, and little output. That is not a good sign.

CHW 0, TLAAoA 2; Jered Weaver decided not to pitch like his brother. This led to 7 innings, 1 hit, 6 K’s, and the win. Again, a sac fly was the difference maker, and we don’t care about those.

the Show: Cliff Lee kicks a$$

Red Sox 3, Twins 7; The Sox dropped 3 of 4 to the Twins, which is good for the Yankees and even better for the Rays. The new Johan is a Livan. The ace improved to 6-1, allowing only 3 runs in the first including ManRam’s 498th homer. Clay Buchholz, who was offered for Johan didn’t make it through the 5th.

Yankees (suck) 1, Rays (don’t) 7; Matt Garza led the young guns to their 5th straight win, and half a game out of first. 4 runs in the 4th did in Pettitte.

Blue Jays 0, Indians 3 (Flip the score for the second game; Fausto and Cliff Lee pitched 18 innings of scoreless ball. Asdrubal hit a homer in the first, and had an unassisted triple play in the second. Shannon Stewart was the difference maker in the second game with a sac fly in the 10th.

Seattle.12, Rangers 13; in a game filled with homers, including Hamilton and Bradley back to back, and blown leads by Bedard and CJ Wilson, the Rangers hit the game winner in the 10th.

CHW 7, TLAAoA 10;Vlad went deep and some guy had his cup of coffee in the mlb and got his first win. Enjoy high school coaching Nick Adenhart

Reds 8, Marlins 7; Jeff Kippinger (who?) and Brandon Phillips went yahtzee bomb in the 7th. The 4 run cushion proved beneficial as the fish put up 3 in the 8th. Dan Uggla continued to stay hot going 2 for 2.

Nationals 10, Mets 4; Odalis Perez, who used to be good when he played for the Dodgers, finally earned his first win. In doing so, he went 3 for 3 with 2 RBIs.

Cubs 12, Padres 3; The Padres suck, and they proved that again last night. Only 14 wins on the year is pathetic. Zambrano, Lee, and Soriano notched doubles.

Brewers 8, Cards 3; Ryan Braun hit his 4th homer in 2 games. Fantasy owners are now scouring their leagues for him. No longer the closer, Gag-me gave up a run in 2 innings.

Houston 7, Giants 3; Zito pitched, and he didn’t lose, but he didn’t win either. Hunter Pence drove in the go ahead runs.

Braves/Pirates; These teams played 2 games. Each team won a game, and we don’t care.

Hot Chicks and Clicks-Cash,Zoolander,Batman

“I didn’t even know a young lady could look that good. I’m ready da bounce outa queens and come to your hood. I’m ready da change your life baby, spend some cash because you got me chinky eyed like blunts mixed with hash.” The ladies don’t love Cool James for nothing. Missy Peregrym would be the bread winner in our relationship but that means little because she is smokin. Awesomo’s eyelids would never close if we had a chance with that. Every male needs to see her movie Stick It. That body is stacked. P.S. Awesomo ain’t from Queens.

 

Ecstasy coming to a school lunch near you

When in Australia do not dress like Batman

Men=Drinkers

Hip Hop a gay community?

These soccer clubs believe in C.R.E.A.M

No wrinkles? No cigarettes for you

Prisoners of U.K. prisons congratulations you can keep your magic wands

This story is like a scene in Zoolander

Hot Chicks and Clicks

 “I love from butter pecan to blackberry molass’, I don’t discriminate, I regulate every shade of the (ass).Long as you show class, and pass my test. Fat (ass and) breasts, highly intelligent bachelorettes That’s the best, I won’t settle for less.”Eva Mendez has the ass and breasts to pass awesomo’s test. Unlike Big Pun our test would be graded on a curve. It wouldn’t matter if Eva Mendez could even put together a sentence, because awesomo thinks she is the best.

Bad Ass Weapons

What Steven Seagal emotion are you?

Mosquito’s have met their match

The science of Scotch

Pain killers seek and destroy

Cocaine submarines

Nintendo’s take on Halo 3

Traffic stop etiquette

Wtf

Why have sex with a women when you can f**k a bicycle

The Show: Let’s get ready to rumble!!!

Sorry for the delay, I have been Losting all morning. Oh my, what a day. Benches cleared, the Yanks won, and other stuff happened too. We have an east coast bias, so that is the pick of the baseball brawl that we wanted to see. Let’s go, on with the goods…

Red Sox 5, Tiggers 1; Verlander improved to 1-6. Looks like the AL Central favorites are cruisin’ for a bruisin’. Everyone’s favorite ball and strike monitor, went yahtzee again. The Sox should play the Tigers everyday.

Indians 3, Yankees 6; David Dellucci is a whiney little b*tch. This rant is senseless. Joba always pumps his fist, so does Jeter, Manny stares at everything, Sammy hopped, celebrations are a part of sports. Dellucci should worry about cracking the starting lineup, and not what Joba is doing. There was a Jason Giambi sighting in the Bronx last night, and he had with him his little pal Robinson Cano. Both homered, as come-back player of the year (?) Mike Mussina was efficient and earned his 5th win.

Twins 2, White Sox 6; In what some felt was going to be the best division in baseball, only 1 team is over .500, and that is only by one game thanks to a loss to the White Sox. Jermaine Dye has been on a bit of a mini tear, homering in his last 3 games.

Giants 4, Pirates 5; Amazingly, these two teams are real MLB squads. They’ve got uniforms and everything. Matt Cain, who has just 1 win in his last 12 starts, almost got another one, but was roughed up in the 7th, and the bullpen gave up the inherited runner to tag Cain with the loss.

Padres 4, Braves 5; The Braves completed a 6-0 homestand by scoring the game winner in the 9th for their first victory in 1 run ball games. Of course the homestand was aided by games against the Reds and Padres, but we won’t discount their efforts, even though we just did.

Cards 3, Rockies 9; 4 in the first was enough to set the Rockies up for the victory. Colorado sure looks like a nice place to live.

Phillies 3, D-backs 8; What does a team do when they have lost 5 of the last 8? They send the Webb slinger. Webb dazzled for his 8th win. He dazzled so much so that he threw a complete game, allowing only 2 earned runs. Arizona was able to salvage a split out of the 4 game set, and look to face another league contendor, Chicago, over the weekend. Chris Young, who has struck out more than he has gotten a hit, got his 8th homer of the year last night.

Rays 8, Blue Jays 3; The Blue Jays found a new way to lose by rallying to tie the game in the ninth, and then managing to get blown out in an extra inning game. It didn’t help that Dioner Navarro hit a grand slam in the 13th.

O’s 4, Royals 1; The Orioles learned that one way to stop losing was by not playing the A’s anymore. This game plan panned out as the Daniel Cabrera helped keep the Royals to 1 run and 3 hits. Superman Nick Markakis hit his 7th homer.

Brewers 2, Marlins 7; The Fish continue an impressive run with a 20-14 record, good enough for first in the NL East. The Brewers fall to 5 back in the Central, and have some work to do.

Nationals 8, Astros 3; The Nationals felt that the best way to not get swept was to hit the ball. A couple of home runs and 12 hits was enough for the victory. They did just that against the fiesty Brandon Backe. Backe is one that enjoys a good fight, so he should enjoy the next game’s recap.

Texas 5, Mariners 0; No one cares about a Ranger victory, but a lot of people care about a bench clearing brawl. Felix Hernandez hit catcher Gerald Laird, and then proceeded to give up a 2 run jack to Ian Kinsler. Next time around Hernandez hit Kinsler, presumably for injuring his pride last time through the order. Texas didn’t take much offense to these actions, but Kason Gabbard throw a pitch high to Richie Sexson. However, Big Sexy, not Kevin Nash, did take offense to this action. Sexson figured that since the pitcher got to throw a baseball toward him, he should get to throw his helmet at the pitcher. This is the best video of the fight. The announcers are priceless, with comments like “If they were going to throw at someone, they would throw at someone good.” “Sexson couldn’t hit water if he fell out of a boat.” You know things are out of control, when Milton Bradley can be seen calming down players. Other good quotes are in this video that I am sure will get pulled soon…

What type of penalty awaits for Sexson. If Farnsworth got 2 games for throwing behind someone, Sexson could be looking at 2 weeks.